In the grand scheme, this is nothing to lose sleep or get agitated over, but I forgot that and got a little irritated. Writing this is therapeutic. I’m fortunate enough to have a company helping me with my simpleand small relocation to China, however, it seems they pay little to emails that I send. Here’s one example that cost me a full day. The person in charge of my shipment told me over email that I needed to have a record of entry from Shekou, the port that the ferry arrives in and the place that I avoid now due to price and inconvenience. By the way, know what Shekou means in Mandarin? “Snake Mouth”

This abbreviated email exchange ensued:

• “What is the ‘entry record’? I don’t think I have that.”

• “Please kindly advise if you got the entry record through Shekou border.”

• “I didn’t go through Shekou. I went over the new bridge. By ‘entry record’, do you mean the form that I filled out?”

• “That is Shenzhen bay border (new bridge), it is new border, the customs has not open the business for personal effects so far. The Shekou border (Shekou Ferry Terminal) can issue the Import Permit at present.”

• “I have to go to Shekou to get an Import Permit?”

• “Yes, you have to enter through shekou border to get the entry record, we will process the Import Permit once you get it.”

• “Do I have to ask for the entry record? I also returned from Hong Kong one week ago through Huang Gang. I filled out the arrival form. Is this the entry record?”

• “The entry record just is a stamp on your passport, you can return from Hongkong and enter through Shekou border, no need do nothing upon you enter the border.”

• “Well, then I have my entry record because my passport was stamped in Huang Gang.”

• “Please note the Shekou customs can issue the Import Permit for your air shipmet, you must offer the stamp (entry record) at Shekou border.”

• “Can you tell me what I need to do? Do I just need to go to Shekou, go through the border, then turn around and come back?”

• “Yes, you need do nothing, only enter into Shenzhen as your before.”

Honestly, when I look back on this email, I can see the missed communication, but it was much harder to see it then. For one thing, this entire email conversation took place over an entire month. I was also in the process of getting other forms filled out that were dependencies on other forms. In this case, I was trying to get an answer to the simple questions: “Do I have to have my passport stamped in Shekou?” and “Can I just go to Shekou and get my passport stamped without leaving on the ferry?”

So, after getting the “Yes” after asking if I could go to Shekou, walk through customs, and turn around, on Friday afternoon, I called Xiao Liu and drove down to Shekou to walk down to customs and turn around and come back. I saw the usual line of people with tickets to Hong Kong. I didn’t want to buy a ticket so I talked to the guard, all in Chinese, asking if I could walk through customs and turn around without a ticket so I could have my passport stamped. He said, “No”, that I had to buy a ticket. I didn’t want to buy one of those expensive tickets so I went and asked one of the customs guards. He didn’t really seem to understand so he called an agent who spoke some agent. Turned out she understood my Chinese better than my English and she said the same thing! No getting a stamp without buying a ticket and going to Hong Kong. So, in frustration, I talked to the agent who was helping me with finding an apartment who called her colleague, whom I’d been email with regarding the entry record, who then called me. I asked him, “They’re telling me I need to go to Hong Kong to get the stamp. Is that true?” “Yes, you have to go to Hong Kong.” Baaah! This could have been so much simpler had he just told me that at the beginning. Ah well, one of those things.

So, Monday, I left through Huang Gang, went to Kowloon, had lunch at a new Indian restaurant, and caught a taxi to the Ferry Terminal. When I arrived at the terminal, I saw that the next departure was at 4pm. 4pm?!? “I’m in time for the 1:30″, I thought. Well, of course, the website that I got my info on the ferry must have printed an out of date schedule. They had already shut the gates for entry to the 1:15. “Baaah!!!” – again.

Can anyone explain to my how these ferries can stay in business when they’re priced more than three times the price of the train, take more time, require more logistics, and have such a weird and inconvenient schedule? I can’t. Maybe one of my ferry revenge missions is to convert everyone on our team to using the train.

I decided to cut my losses, and go relax in a deli or coffee shop or something. Unfortunately, the only reasonably comfortable one was a Starbucks and I bought a drink that cost more than many dinners for four in China and sat down to write some offline emails and this post. At least I had to offer the Starbucks company silent respect for successfully charging $4 for a variation on a coffee drink. “A fool and his money are soon parted…” Also, unfortunately, after I sat down I realized they were blasting the usual Christmas music that drove me to adopt a Bah Humbug attitude in the US. At least I had my iPod. The Mozart Requiem wouldn’t drown it out though, nor would a Paganini Violin Concerto. Good thing I had added Ozzy’s “No More Tears” album to my iPod recently.

I spent all day Saturday with my colleagues and on Sunday I took Brien out to Da Fen Cun, a “village” (really a little neighborhood on the outskirts of Shenzhen) of artists. He was looking for something distinctly Chinese but complaining that most of the stuff he’d seen was either fake or he could get in the US. Greg, who unfortunately moved back to the US, had told me of this community of artists where he and his family had their portrait painted for an excellent price. He also told me about how many ‘real’ copies (of course) of famous artworks were there, like the Mona Lisa, The Last Supper, Starry Night, etc. Well, that was certainly true, but what impressed me the most was the quantity of artwork to choose from and the very cheap prices.

Xiao Liu drove us out there and wandered around with us while we admired all the variety. I’m sure it was boring for him, but my attempts at speaking Chinese to the artists kept him entertained I hope. Almost immediately, I was impressed by some of the Romantic landscapes of Guilin. Having visited there, those especially attracted me. I found one that I liked, but it was quite big – over five feet wide and three feet high! I asked the price and thought I’d heard wrong when he quoted me 450 RMB. That’s like 50 bucks! It also came mounted in a gorgeous wood frame:

Well, I didn’t end up buying that picture. It was so big, plus I wondered if I really liked the Romantic depiction of it. I still may come back and pick it up one day, we’ll see. Brien, on the other hand, negotiated and purchased three nice works of art, two of them being a bendable steel ‘painting’ whose shapes were filled with a hard lacquer which formed the picture, plus a very nice landscape picture created with detailed silk threads. I saw one that I liked very much too but, always avoiding the impulse buying, I passed on it. It was a lot pricier though. At 1800 RMB, it reflected a very high level of detail.

What excited me most though was seeing various artists at work at creating lifelike portraits from small 3×5 or 4×6 photographs. I asked several if they could copy the picture on my cellphone. “Sure, no problem…how big do you want it?” (in Chinese) I kind of measured with my hands the dimensions I wanted and all pretty much answered in the same ballpark: “si bai wu shi”, or 450 RMB. I’d be willing to take a gamble with that price. After all, their portraits were proof enough for me that they were all quite talented. Not every shop had artists working in them, in fact very few. This made me wonder, “Is there a factory of highly talented and skilled artists cranking out Mona Lisas somewhere?” Only in China, I guess.

(above) “Yeah, we can do this photo.”

I took a panorama of one of the shops that indicated that they’d be happy to paint a picture of me. This shot looks a little desolate; there’s not to much art on display or people sauntering about, but this isn’t typical. I took it so that I’d remember the location. Of course, I just now noticed the name in English (or PinYin), so I guess I didn’t need the picture, but here…enjoy:

After the trip to Dong Men, we hopped the subway over to Hua Qiang Bei for lunch and to check out the expansive PC Mall – where you can buy any electronic component imaginable. The prices are sometimes good, but for mainstream computer electronics, like hard drives and video cards, the prices are a little higher in China. Oh yeah, then there’s all the pirated and cracked software.

For our visiting colleagues from America, I picked the Chairman Mao restaurant. I didn’t realize, but Mao was from the Hunan province and I’m a big fan of Hunan food. Unfortunately for some, that means ‘spicy’. We were able to manage the spice well though and everyone enjoyed the lunch.

(above l-r) Quality spicy shrimp on wooden sticks, Mao’s broad shoulders (a little too broad?).

We had a great day on Saturday. The weather was clear and comfortable and we could see blue skies. Some colleagues were visiting from the US so our team decided to entertain them on Saturday with a tour around China. Check out the nice shots of the Great Wall and of Potola Palace during sunset in Lhasa, Tibet:

(above: a section of the Great Wall and Potola Palace at sunset…we had to hurry to see ‘em both)

Hyuh hyuk! Actually, our team decided to visit “Splendid China” as our afternoon activity. The park is huge and features many acres dedicated to miniaturized versions of famous sites in China. I think everyone enjoyed it more than we were expecting; I got a kick out of watching the Chinese folks excitedly explaining the various sites and their histories to the American, including myself. We arrived around 3:30 PM and stayed until sunset. Part of the park closed at 6pm, the other part at 9:30. So, we stayed later to enjoy the sites at night. The only problem was that they didn’t turn on hardly any lights. So, we left around 7pm. The US folks wanted to try a foot massage so I took them to one of the spots that I’d been to a few times. It helped me to sleep well that night.

We started the morning by going to Mix City, the high end shopping center in Shenzhen. We arrived around 9:30 AM and the stores hadn’t opened yet. After ambling around just to get a flavor of the place, we decided to walk down to Dong Men, about a 15 minute walk from Mix City. So, within 15 minutes by foot of each other you have the most expensive shopping in Shenzhen and then the cheapest. I still say that Dong Men is the best though – lots of high quality fun junk to be purchased.

(above) On the way to Dong Men from Da Ju Yuan, one crosses this fetid creek. The workers were watering the trees by hand from the creek. I guess it’s got lots of nutritious organic matter in it.

(above) Dong Men from high above (66th floor of Di Wang) and from below.   There’s hardly anyone here early in the morning (around 10:15 AM)

(above) More fake copies of Vista, Photoshop, etc., The big DVD store (had to sneak the picture really fast – they don’t like having their picture taken), Dante posing next to a funny sign near another fake DVD store. Hey, their fake quality is better than that of the common street rabble, foo’!

Here’s a sign in the subway that entertains me a lot. The first time I saw it, I thought maybe it meant not to break glass. If you look at the two major objects in the lower left half, they look like a broken wine glass. However, on closer inspection, the objects are revealed to be a hammer, a pair of pliers, and some nuts. The caption basically reads, “Do not litter”. Who’s going to litter by throwing their tool chest down on the ground?

It might not be completely odd. In the East there is an old saying something to the effect of “Before discarding a tool that is no longer useful, it should be destroyed.” This might be derived from this saying:

玉石俱焚

(yu4 shi2 ju1 fen2)

It means something like “You destroy both jade and stone together”. Back in the old days, if the emperor had a cabinet of say 20 advisors and eighteen of them were disloyal and two were absolutely loyal, in order to preserve his power, the emperor would need to destroy and discard all of them, destroying both jade and stone.

Here’s the first is evidence of a pirated car I’ve seen (it’s probably not). Check out the new Honda Legend! There is some precedent for this actually. A legit car company (I forget which) sued another in China when they suspected that China was copying the car. The company won it’s case when it took the door from the Chinese copy and bolted it directly on to their own car and showed that it opened and shut without a hitch.

11/27/07

OK, I was wrong. My buddy Robert found this link which talks about how Acura markets the Legend in the US, not so in other countries. You never know in China though…

Sorry for my neglect of the blog lately. There are visitors from the US in town now and I’ve spent most every night entertaining and being entertained. But, I found some time to squeeze in some fun “Engrish”. This plaque is found in the elevator of our building. All of the quotes have errors but two are especially bad. One is unintelligible to the point of qualifying as solid Engrish comedy. I need to submit it to the Engrish board.

From top to bottom:

• Don’t use lift when fire happens.
• Don’t smoking in the department and prohibit swinging acutely.
  
• Don’t touch the safety panel during shutting doors.
• Children need to be accompanied with adult.
• Press the alert call button of <bell> for help in case of trouble

And the winner is…

• Carrying cargo by lift rust make the gravity evenly and adopt the effective package.

Top notch.